I have plenty of gorgeous cocktail dresses, but now none fit.So I'm searching for the perfect dress. To tone down the booty and make my stomach look flat. OH and she's getting married in a church so I obviously can't be walking in the church with a skin tight dress and a vneck down to my belly button. Think of the green dress JLO wore on the red carpet years ago...the complete OPPOSITE of that is what I'm looking for.
Hubby and I are going from store to store, trying to find the perfect dress. I'm re-learning about my body here because I haven't bought a cocktail dress in a year due to a watermelon, I mean baby, in my belly. Some of these dresses that the husband picked out, I couldn't even walk out of the dressing room in. I was afraid people were going to throw singles at me (maybe fives....dream big haha). I looked like I missed my bus stop and was supposed to be on the corner in CLE. That's how bad some of these were. And not to mention, I'm 5'10. I've got a booty on me and my boobs aren't the smallest...my waist is small, but the rest of me, is not...I NEED A WHOLE LOT MORE FABRIC THEN THE SKINNY *insert female dog* NEXT TO ME lol.
So as I'm in the Nordstrom dressing room. The lights are so incredibly bright and they have the mirror that has a bunch of different angles. So I'm all excited until I got undressed and looked back at the mirror..."HOLY HELL!! WHERE DID THAT COME FROM!!!" I've got some great little cellulite going...Right there on my thighs. Awesome.
Cellulite just decides to show it's face when I've LOST 50 lbs? REALLY?! I don't get this. When I weigh more, I have none...Now I weigh less, and get some. God punishing me? Maybe. I just don't get this crazy world of womanhood. You're punished when you're bigger, and you're punished when your smaller. I've been on every single end of the spectrum. I've been size 00 with no boobs or butt...I've been on the heavier side...and now I'm.....somewhere in between?
At least the boobs haven't given into gravity (yet...). Speaking of the jugs (how classy), I still try to tell my husband that they are fake and he questions me all the time. I think it's hilarious to watch him try to coax out the 'truth'. We've been married for how long now? And he still doesn't know whether or not my boobs are fake? Like CMON!!!! He knows I'm deathly afraid of needles...I can't stand looking at cotton under a bandaid...what makes him think I would voluntarily go under the knife, to get bigger boobs. I'm naturally a C...but I just make random comments that make him turn and go, 'WAIT, WHAT'S THAT MEAN?! ARE YOURS FAKE?!" ahhahahahaha. It just cracks me up.
People that I went to school with all the time come up to me and ask if they are fake because in high school, I had no boobs. I mean, nothing. I was an "A". So when people come up and ask me, obviously I say no, but husband always starts to wonder....I just find it so entertaining that he thinks his wife has fake boobs and hasn't admitted to it yet.
And, I know you're thinking that I have outed my 'secret' because my husband is reading this. *raises eyebrows as if you should know better then to think this* Do you really think my husband is going to read a blog that I wrote? He doesn't even listen to me when were having a conversation. The man has selective hearing. He only listens when I'm actively participating in a conversation about tools, landscaping or sex. (sorry to my mother in law who is reading this...lol, I'm sure this isn't news to you LOL).
Anyway, I did find a dress. A gorgeous one, that I really feel good in. I'll show pictures from my gfs wedding this weekend. I know it's going to be so gorgeous. I'm so incredibly happy for her and her soon to be hubby. I'm sure she's excited to soon be married and be part of the great club of being miserable....ONLY KIDDING!!! I LOVE BEING MARRIED (sometimes...joking again people...). It's going to be a great night of celebrating love and the hubby and I get to go out on a date. I can't wait to see the handsome man dressed up....
enough of the mushy stuff.
OH AND PS...since hubby wont read this...I'll confess my lie that i told him today. Last night, i stated to him that no matter how fast I eat my Harvest Cheddar SunChips or no matter how fast he eats the other bag that we have....were not allowed to eat eachother's chips...and i said it because i thought he would finish his and try to take mine. well i ate mine in one sitting. and so today, he left his out. So while he was showering, I ate the whole bag of his...(i couldn't stop, they were so good)...so then, when I realized what I did, I put them back in the spot he left them. He picked them up and said "OH REALLY?! YOU ATE MY CHIPS?!" and I said "NO I DIDNT!!! WE PROMISED EACH OTHER!!!"
so here's my confession....he would know the truth if he took an interest in my blog! BAM!!! IN HIS FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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