Saturday, April 30, 2011

Weird Neighbors

Well yesterday, the dog whisperer (no, not ceasar...i tried to contact him, he ignores me. LOL) came over and we signed all paperwork and set up classes and private lessons. He proceeded to tell us how he was telling his coworker about our dogs and how crazy they are and how badly we need this. THANK YOU! How nice of you to tell all your coworkers how messed up my dogs are. I really appreciate it (he's so right though). lol and when he came in the house today, our German Shepherd almost ate him. Pretty sure that's not a good way to start off a relationship...

Bentley (german shepherd) got smart today and figured out how to open the front door. And we have a screen door as well, and I guess he caught a glimpse of something and decided he needed to check out the situation RIGHT AWAY. So, all I hear is a huge bang and my screen door flies open...Bentley jumped on the door, and unlatched it. Husband goes and looks outside and doesn't see Bentley. So he comes back and says "is he inside?" UMM ! LOOK A LITTLE HARDER HUNNIE! DO YOU NOT SEE WHAT I SEE?  IT'S A BIG FREAKIN' DOG PRANCING THROUGH THE NEIGHBORS YARD CHASING BIRDS!!!!! Husband goes, OH and calls him back over...and he runs back with his ears down, like he knew he was wrong, but just couldn't resist the chance to make 'friends' with the birds. Last time Bentley wanted to make friends with mother nature, I found him and the other dogs eating birds out of the trees. And a few weeks before that they were chasing a huge frog around in the backyard....disgusting dogs.

So, since baby is sleeping and hubby is helping his mom cut a tree today, I'm sitting here bored out of my mind. Until I look out the window and realized what seriously weird neighbors I have. Here's the scoop:

The jackass next door who owns the restaurant is driving his little white corvette around in circles in his parking lot blaring techno music. Now, for a visual,  is 300lbs and 50 yrs old. Who is he trying to impress in his little white corvette? News flash, no one likes you. Everyone thinks your a dbag. I'm guessing either he's trying to be an ass, or his stomach is so huge that the steering wheel got stuck under his belly rolls and it making him go in circles. Either way, i hate him. :)

Next up, we have a single mom (who is really nice) and her mother.  Her terror of a child is currently running around the yard with sharp sticks. Now, he has his head in a huge flower pot. Anytime my dogs bark, he screams "SHUT UP OVER THERE!!!!!!!!!" and then anytime hubby walks out the front door, the little kid screams at the top of his lungs LOL. His mom and grandma always leave him to play outside alone. They never watch him. They just let him out like he's a little cat, hoping that he comes back at the end of the night....

Next to them, is the man I lovingly refer to as "Mr. Alien". One day, I look out the window, and he's lining up little black boxes all in his yard and staring up into space. Now, he could very well be doing something involving solar panels or whatever....but it's so much more fun to think he's an alien, trying to 'phone home'. (speaking of, he just pulled in now...he ran inside...aliens don't like sunlight, but that's just what I hear).

Next to Mr. Alien, we have "Body Turner". I think he's got some crazy secret like he's a murder (he's not, lol but I like to let my imagination run wild). He never speaks to me. I wave to him all the time and he ignores me. Maybe his exwife was a tall friendly brunette and now he holds a serious hate for all of us...who knows. But we always see young women over there and then never see them again (well, I see them doing the walk of shame to their car the next morning, but again, its so much more fun to pretend).  When people come to his door, he never answers. One day, there was a lady at his door, but he wasn't home, and then he pulled down our street, saw she was there, and turned his car around and didn't come back until she was gone!

Down the street, we have a little chinese boy who is cute as can be, but he's freaky. He rides down the street talking to himself and one day, hubby and I were playing catch and he rode by us and did an evil laugh...he's possessed. ;)

Next up!! We call her Limper. I won't go into details about her or her crew...I'm too afraid I'll get beat down....

and finally, it brings us to the oddballs of the street...(cue the Twilight Zone music).  They have two weird looking faces attached to their garage door handles. They are actually like ceramic faces of like Amish people, but they have black eyes...its weird. and they have an extremely squeaky windmill and when we have the windows open at night, it keeps us awake. So husband and i are going to pull a night mission one of these times. Called "midnight oil mission". Were going to oil the blades on that dumb thing so we can sleep. They have all the random things you would find at the dollar store, all over their yard. And they recently 'classed' their yard up with 2 ft plastic columns on their porch steps.

Well, what is really funny is, all of these people are I'm sure normal...I'm the freakin' creep who knows this much about her neighbors. Clearly, I'm the one with the mental

I need to find something to do...creeping on my weird neighbors is not a great way to pass time....

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